Dainty Diva
Sunday, August 19, 2007
The gloomy weather, the rain, and all that happenings lately... making me very very emo... was showering and thinking about a lot of things... immediately came online to blog after shower...
A few days back, someone was talking to me about my job and future career path... and this question got me stumbled 'what are your strengths? what are you good at?'
I seriously do not have an answer to that. All of a sudden, i feel lost and helpless... feel like i have lost myself... don't know what happened to the old me (if there ever was a different me).
I seem to have lost the 'want to win' spirit... back in secondary school, i desire to excel so much. In terms of studies... not contented with being 2nd, i mugged like crazy to be top in class, top 10% in school... wanting to get into the one and only triple science class...
When you put in 100% effort and do not reap 100% results, you get tired... and start losing enthusiasm and its affecting my everything... lost identity, lost self... good at nothing... lost confidence in myself, my work, relationships...
That is probably why whenever we argue, whenever something unhappy happen, i never fail to ask myself what is it that made you fall for me? Because i have lost all my confidence... i feel there are hundreds, thousands of other girls who are better than me in every other aspect... should i just be contented and not complain anymore, be happy that someone actually appreciates me? Or should i continue to stick to my principles, argue when i think i should... even though it will cause us unhappiness, even though it may jeopardize our relationship? I really hate quarrels and fights... and i hate myself for being a softspot, crying at the little-est thing.
I probably feel much better after writing all these... i don't know if anyone still reads this blog but rest assured i am ok... i just need an outlet to let go of everything. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~